Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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