She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
