Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
two words: eviction party
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
