ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
