Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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