Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
love makes seman taste better
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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