i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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