i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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