You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
