I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
