Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
