well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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