oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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