Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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