OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
me + whiskey = a bad person
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
