no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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