i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
