I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
