I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
