I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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