Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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