I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
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