remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
