dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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