I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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