I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
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Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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