we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
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