I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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