I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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