She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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