I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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