shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
