She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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