He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
