Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
