Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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