So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
