My room smells like vodka and shame
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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