Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
