spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
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Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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