I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
