I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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