Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
