false alarm. still invincible.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
