You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
