im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
