Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
