Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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