So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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