There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.