Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
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i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
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It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume