brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
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Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
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as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Couch. On fire.