we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
