whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
