It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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