I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
it was like eating out sand paper
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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