Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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