can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
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she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
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She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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