Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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