nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?