There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?