dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.