Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
