I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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